The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
