i jhust puked up my retainher.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
