It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
