I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
