It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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