Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
