He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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