Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
