dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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