I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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