i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize