You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
