Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
