We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
