So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Randomize
