Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The struggles of a small town man whore
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
