sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
