After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
