i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
