you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
