I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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