Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
