Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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