And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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