I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
