Your mouth is God's brothel.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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