I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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