I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize