You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
