I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
