Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
