It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
