we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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