my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
