He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
