Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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