Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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