I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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