Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
