I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
