bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
