RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
