is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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