Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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