You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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