4 words: hood of his car
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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