My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
