I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
