In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
