Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Barsexuality is the new black.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
