i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
