the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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