where does the pee come out of this thing
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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