Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize