How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just googled if crying burns calories
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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