But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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