i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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