I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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