I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
