i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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