he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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