I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sorry my hands just texted you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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