Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
