So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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