We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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