honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
