Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
