dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Mom said you looked used
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
