He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
