Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
