yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
