I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize