living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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