Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
