the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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