You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
