for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
